Christianity vs. SGS

Did you ever have a buddy who was dating a total skank? A pure, ballsout street-rat crazy gutter slut? At one time or another, most of us have known someone like that and the saddest part was how hard he tried to convince everyone that no, she was really cool, you just had to get to know her better. Those things that other people said about her, well, they're just not true, and on and on.

It's sad and more than a little pathetic. I've dubbed this condition Skank Girlfriend Syndrome, or SGS for short. It can be applied to nearly any situation that requires some cognitive dissonance (i.e. Star Wars prequels, Windows Vista, Smart cars, etc.). Of all the situations in which we notice people indulging in this sad and silly phenomena, the most visible is religion, specifically Christianity.

Plastic Jesus fish on cars, faith-based advertising, door-to-door prostelyzing, t-shirts and Christian 'rock' are all designed for a singular purpose: it is a way for the suckers who buy the lie to attract other suckers because hey, the more people who believe in something silly, the less silly it appears to be. To them, at least.

Yep, I find Christianity to be silly, stupid and dangerous and at some level, I think most 'believers' have occasional moments of clarity in which they see it as something ridiculous as well. Of course, they immediately dismiss it as the work of Satan; the notion of which is even sillier than all the goofy-ass dogma attached to believing in God and Jesus. The brutal, meathook reality is that there are few things more stupid, cowardly and dangerous than a True Believer who feels it is their mission in life to recruit others.

Look at all the cultures and civilizations that have been destroyed by the Church, the Crusades, the Inquisition and, the most loathsome of all zealots, missionaries. How many people have been brutally tortured and murdered in the name of religious conversion? I'm not even talking about people who have suffered under the oppressive hand of Islam; that's a rant for another time.

If a person needs faith of one sort or another to help them make sense of life, well, that's their trip and I couldn't care less. All I ask is that they keep their nonsense to themselves and out of my life, my schools and my government. In other words, if your skank girlfriend is blowing the entire varsity football team, don't try to convince me that she's a virgin.

Today's Sermon

Gather 'round my brethren, for I am here today to tell you of the greatest threat facing our beliefs today. Yes, I'm talkin' 'bout REASON! Now, before y'all get all worked up, lemme just spell out a thing or two.

Now, those us us who are cozy in the sweet embrace of our lord Jesus Christ™ know that four thousand years after God's creation of the Earth and the heavens, God went and knocked up a virgin girl with his own personal seed. She birthed a boy and after thirty or so years of doing stuff (we don't know what), that son went and got himself nailed to a tree by the people who control Hollywood. After he was dead, he done rose up from the grave and flew up to Heaven to be with his other daddy (just 'cause Jesus had two daddies, that don't mean anyone else can). Now, we know this is fact, 'cause the Bible done told us so.

Now, if we wanna go to Heaven and sit with Jesus™, we gots to get borned again and eat his body and drink his blood, but that don't make us cannibals or even just barnyard crazy. This makes us Saved™ and that means we're better than everyone else and we're obliged to tell them so. It also means that it is our holy duty to go out in our communities and even other countries and share the Good News, even if we gotta do it by brute force and torture, so that everyone will know about God's Holy Love. If they still don't wanna believe, we gotta steal their children, rape the women and burn the villages until they all believe in the glory of God's Holy Love. It's the Christian thing to do.

Let's get hippo-thetical here for a minute: Let's say you go to a place and the folks there tell you that their god(s) is older than Jesus™. They tell you that their system of belief is older than yours and they gots "scientific data" to prove it. Well, we all know that science is the work of the Devil, and we don't truck with no Devil work. They try to tell you that their holidays was stolen by the Christians and that Christmas ain't even the birthday of our beloved baby Jesus™, it's actually the Winter Solstice or some such nonsense. And then they commit further blasphemy by tellin' y'all that Easter used to be a fertility festival, which explains all the bunnies and eggs and whatnot. Brethren, it is a Christian FACT that Easter is the day Jesus™ went all zombie and he was so hungry he done et up all the bunnies and eggs that was brought to him 'cause it's only in Devil movies that zombies wanna eat brains.

The worst of all heathens will ask how it's possible that all of humanity sprung from the loins of one man, one woman and their son. Look around you, and you can see that keepin' it in the family works, although we don't really want most of the offspring driving the school bus.

Brothers and sisters, these are all LIES. So what if biblical scholars agree that Jesus was prob'ly borned in spring or summer? So what if there is quantifiable evidence of the existence of thousands of gods waaaay before ours? Who cares that no one can vouch for three decades of the life of our most holy Lord and Savior? Just because I cain't reckon a boat that could carry two of every species of animal that ever was, including over four hunnerd and fifty thousand species of beetle, that don't mean it didn't happen!

And now, I'm hearin' more and more talk about them nasty Atheists. These creatures, these Hellspawn, they actually make their decisions based on such anti-Christian things as science, logic and reason. REASON! They won't believe nothin' what don't make actual sense! They ain't content to believe to what an untrained, uneducated zealot like myself interprets from an archaic, superstitious book of fairy tales like our Holy Bible! They wanna actually unnerstand things for theyselves without someone tellin' them to believe outta blind faith and that, brothers and sisters, is the scariest thing of all.

Why, if these people had their way, they'd want all of us, all of YOU to think for ourselves and I can tell you, that don't lead to nothin' good. Nothin' good for me, anyway. If y'all went out on your own and thought for yourselves, then you wouldn't need church and you wouldn't need me. You wouldn't be scared and if you ain't scared you ain't fillin' my pews and my tithe bucket. If you ain't filling my tithe bucket, then I gotta get me a real job and I can tell you right now, that ain't gonna happen.

Brothers and sisters, for the love of God and my own personal ego, stay stupid. Stay scared. I sure as Hell am.

The Greatest Story Ever Told

Saint Peter is watching the gates of Heaven, but he really has to go to the bathroom. He asks Jesus to watch the gates for a few minutes, and Jesus agrees.

As Jesus is standing there, he sees an old man leading a donkey up from Earth to Heaven. He notices the old man has carpenter's tools with him. When the old man gets to the gates, Jesus asks him to describe his life and explain why he feels he should be admitted into Heaven.

The man explains, "In English, my name would be Joseph, but I didn't live in America or England. I lived a modest life, making things out of wood. I'm not remembered very well by most people, but almost everyone has heard of my son. I call him my son, but I was more of a Dad to him -- he really didn't come into this world in the usual way.

I sent my son out to be among the people of the World. He was ridiculed by many, and was even known to associate himself with some pretty unsavory characters, although he himself tried to be honest and perfect. My single biggest reason for trying to get into Heaven is to be re-united with my son."

Jesus is awe-struck by the man's story. He looks into the old man's eyes and asks, "Father?"

The old man's face brightens; he looks at Jesus, and asks, "Pinocchio?"

Movie Time!

The other day I watched a documentary called Hell House. It's about this mega-church in Texas that, every Halloween, puts on a haunted house of sorts, with a Christian twist: each tableau portrays people engaging in activities which will lead to their eternal damnation.

We are introduced to various people involved in the project, from the single father who desperately hopes his daughter will win the role of "Rape Girl" to the church's resident techboy who claims to know all sorts of nasty things about raves and seems to have a serious obsession with date-rape drugs. Several other characters will come to light in due time.

There is a creepiness to this project that the participants are probably unaware of. Like most Christians I've met, they are all morbidly obsessed with all manner of sin: abortion, rape, homosexuality, drugs, witchcraft, and on and on. They seem to spend hour after hour talking about, discussing and rehearsing those very things that they condemn, with great enthusiasm. One of the church's so-called youth leaders casts himself as a gang banger; during the performance he threatens a member of another gang (played one of two black people in the entire project) with a real gun, repeatedly calling the kid "boy" and even resorting to the dreaded "N" word. He's really into the performance, so much so that one wonders if he might be experiencing sexual arousal from the activity.

Then we come to witchraft/satanism. We learn early on that the Harry Potter books are actually gateways to satanic practices, a point which is illustrated in the show itself. In one of the film's most telling moments, two church members are discussing the portrayal of witchcraft: they debate whether red or white is the preferred color of devil-worshippers until they recall the advice of a 'warlock' who visited Hell House several years before. In the end, they paint a pentagram in red, with but one small problem: the idiots have painted a Star of David, NOT a pentagram. We can only wonder if this was an honest mistake, a deliberate anti-Jewish statement, or just grotesque ignorance.

Overall, I'd have to say that my favorite of all the characters in this bizarre project is the roofie-obsessed rave officianado. Claiming to have been to at least one rave, his recollections are vivid, to say the least as he tells of the rampant drug use and promiscuous behavior he observed but obviously didn't participate in. To add "realism" to his pet tableau, he spray paints all sorts of 'rave' stuff on the walls, including his IM handle and personal web address. Yep, that'll teach them kids about the evils of rave and the benefit of shameless self-promotion!

Lessons learned from that year's Hell House include:
Raves = drug use = rape = suicide = Hell.
Gangs = violence = Hell.
Harry Potter = Satanism = Hell.
Morning after pill = spectacular white-pants bleedout = death = Hell.
Depression = suicide = Hell.
Adultery = domestic violence = murder = Hell.
Molestation = homosexuality = AIDS = Hell.

If only the rest of the world was as simple and black-and-white as it's portrayed. Naturally, the last display of Hell House is the big money shot, Hell itself. Maybe I'm a little jaded, but thr version of Hell they show is pretty pussified, compared to all the carnage that preceded it. After experiencing eternal damnation for five minutes or so, guests are ushered into what, for my money, was the scariest part of the entire thing: A clean, well-lit room whose inhabitant is an angry man (the other black guy) who pressures guests to walk into the next room to get saved. I should point out that, as far as I could see, the ONLY door out of this room was the door to the church counselors. There may have been a "thanks but no thanks" exit, but I didn't see one.

I have to give the filmmakers much credit for keeping the film even and unbiased, for which the people in it are all the more horrifying. The true evils of Hell House are the rampant ignorance, fear, obsessions, homophobia and outright stupidity that these people enable within themselves and those around them.

Dammit.

A new couple moved in upstairs a while back. They seemed fun enough, and we hit it off pretty well. We went out to dinner with them one evening and while the girls chatted the guy, who I'll call "Bob," turned to me and we embarked upon the following conversation:

Bob: So hey, what religion are you?
El Ráy: Well Bob, I'm an atheist.
Bob: Are you serious?
El Ráy: Yes.
Bob: I'm a Christian. I've been Born Again.
El Ráy: Um, okay.
Bob: You don't believe in God?
El Ráy: No Bob, I don't.
Bob: Aren't you worried about going to Hell?
El Ráy: Nope.
Bob: What do you mean, 'nope?'
El Ráy: It's like this, Bob: I don't believe in God, which means I don't believe in Heaven. It also means that I don't believe in Satan or Hell, either. It's a package deal.
Bob: Did you ever believe in God?
El Ráy: For a while, yes.
Bob: What happened?
El Ráy: Not enough added up. I couldn't roll with the contradictions.
Bob: But the Bible says that if you don't accept Jesus as your savior, you'll go to hell.
El Ráy: That's assuming that the Bible is true.
Bob: It IS true! It's the word of God.
El Ráy: Actually, it's not. It's a bunch of books written by a bunch of guys, who all had axes to grind.
Bob: It seems like you know a lot about the Bible.
El Ráy: In this day and age, I have to be able to defend my beliefs with knowledge.
Bob: Why?
El Ráy: Because if I tell people I'm an atheist, I'm usually treated to incessant questioning and attempts to "Save" me. Have you ever read the entire Bible, Bob?
Bob: I've read some parts of it. Have you?
El Ráy: Yes, I have.
Bob: Why?
El Ráy: Partly because I think that if I'm going to be called on the carpet for my non-belief, I'd better have my ducks in a row. Besides, the Bible was largely responsible for my realization that God doesn't exist.
Bob: How can you say that?
El Ráy: I'd be a liar if I said anything else.
Bob: You know, I went through a rough time in my life (this is where Bob spent about ten minutes attempting to witness to me and, of course, save me).
El Ráy: That's great, Bob. I'm glad you found something that works for you. You do realize that what you were just doing was attempting to save me, right?
Bob: I was just...
El Ráy: Bob, I respect your right to believe however you see fit and I won't try to convert you. Can you do the same for me?
Bob: Um, sure.
El Ráy: Great.

This peaceable agreement lasted until the following weekend when we went out with them again and Bob, who was driving, wanted me to hear a CD of "this really awesome band" he liked. It was, of course, a Christian band.

More often than not, this is how it goes. I have to be prepared for the full-on assault of the religious types because they are wholly incapable of abiding any belief (and especially non-belief) that they can't understand. I am ready and willing to agree to disagree and respect their rights and yet, they just can't or won't do the same.

So, Bob and I became polite neighbors, but never really friends. It wasn't for lack of trying on my part and while we never spoke of it again, the reason was obvious: when puch came to shove, Bob just couldn't roll with a friend who doesn't believe. So it goes.

Life Without God

Is it possible for a person to live a good, moral life without a god or system of religious belief attached to their life?

A common fallacy that the religious types love to perpetrate is that non-believers are monsters without conscience or morals when, in reality, nothing could be further from the truth. Morality and belief in a god or gods are not necessarily attributes that walk hand in hand, as history has proven countless times.

Religion has been a major contributor to the loss of millions, if not billions of lives via murder, torture, terrorism, genocide and myriad other forms of mayhem, all in the name of God. In more recent decades, religious groups have been at least partly responsible for the Crusades, Jonestown, Waco, WTC and Oklahoma City, just to name a few. Obviously, religion doesn’t have the market cornered on good, moral behavior.

In fact, it seems to me that a great many people have used their faith as a means by which to push their own monomaniacal agendas by exploiting the faith of their followers to further their goals. One needn’t look any further than the alliance forged between George W. Bush and James Dobson to see how dangerous and deadly religion’s grey shades of situational morality can be.

A convincing argument could be made for the notion that people could actually be more moral and ethical without the baggage that comes with religious dogma.

With all this in mind, the question remains: Is it possible for a person to live a good, moral life without a deity attached to their life? Absolutely.

As I go through my life, I have developed a very well-defined sense of what is right and what is wrong, and it is this sense that guides me through each day. I try my best to not judge anyone, nor do I place my assumptions upon them. I know that it is wrong to kill, steal, lie, or engage in practices or activities that could cause harm to anyone or anything else. I try to act with compassion for my fellow creatures, although I will admit that I fall short when it comes to insects.

I once believed in God and went to church. During that time in my young life, I did my best to abide by the laws of God (as interpreted by our human pastor, who later left the church after having been caught in an extramarital affair with a female parishioner) and do what was right; my motivations for living this were the promise of Heaven and the threat of Hell; reward for good and punishment for bad. Of course, I still set sail by my own moral compass, but there was always that feeling of celestial extortion, that I’d better behave or I’d pay a hefty, eternal price.

My youthful infatuation with religion faded; since leaving the church and abandoning the notion of a god or gods, I have not changed the way I conduct my life. On second thought, that statement is not entirely true. While my actions haven’t changed, my motivations have. Now, I have myself to answer to; if I do good, I can be proud and if I do less than good, I have only myself to answer to. Likewise, I get to own my misfortunes rather than blame them on Satan, just as I can claim full credit for good fortune rather than claim it’s part of some bigger, spiritual plan.

The religious hucksters would claim that this God-free existence would send me into a spiral of amoral depravity, when in reality there is no more chance of that happening now than at any other time in my life. It doesn’t benefit the churches to have people running around willy-nilly, living good lives and living without fear and not donating 10% each Sunday. They need to keep people scared and angry and ignorant; empty churches make no money.

The greatest evil humanity faces is the people who seek to force their beliefs upon others for their own profit. The greatest sin is to waste a life in preparation for a hereafter that does not exist.

Hope You Guessed My Name

“Well, there are all manner of lesser imps and demons, Pete, but the great Satan hisself is red and scaly with a bifurcated tail, and carries a hay fork” -- Ulysses Everett McGill

I share a birthday with Anton Lavey, who founded his Church of Satan the year I was born (Year One, according to some). I’ve repeatedly asked my mother if there’s any connection, and before a swift change of subject, I’m assured that there is no correlation between these events. Several years ago, I met Mr. Lavey at a gun show in San Francisco. An interesting character, and a true eccentric. With these elements in mind, I proclaim myself to be as qualified as any religious leader to talk about The Dark One. So there.

A little history for the uninitiated: Lucifer was created by God. The very name 'Lucifer' means “Light-Bringer” and in Ezekiel 28:14, 15, 17 it is said that Lucifer was created perfect in wisdom, perfect in beauty and was the anointed who covered the throne of God. It could be argued that a “bringer of light” would be an individual that could illuminate, like a candle in the dark. A bringer of knowledge, perhaps. This interpretation is important because it must be remembered that the tree from which Eve plucked the apple was called the Tree of Knowledge. Could it be that the authors of the Bible, the very creators of God, considered knowledge and self-awareness evil?

In rank, Lucifer was second only to God, and he held dominion over all angels, cherubs, seraphim and men. However, with all this power, Lucifer became proud and reckoned himself equal to God. Now, we all know that God has real insecurity and pride issues so, rather than just talk to Lucifer, God decides to change his name to Satan (Hebrew for ‘adversary’), and casts him to Hell, where he will now have dominion over the damned, and lead the army which will ultimately fall before the hands of the righteous.

It’s a fascinating situation, which becomes all the more interesting when one pauses to think about it. God creates this person, this creature, makes it perfect, and then gets His knickers in a twist when His creation has the audacity to recognize its own perfection. A being is created in God’s own image of perfection, by a perfect being, and yet it is imperfect because it experiences pride. And yet, since God created everything, then pride must be His own creation as well. We are taught that pride is a sin, and that all sins are evil. So, following that line of logic, the “perfect creator” must be at least partly evil, and not completely perfect.

My previous rant about God’s treatment of Job has already described the amusing concept of God’s own pride and vanity, but I think it bears a reminder. If we are to understand the stories of Job and the stories of Lucifer’s fall, then we can easily see that, just like Lucifer, God is also guilty of the sins of pride and vanity. I believe that this is the very reason that God did not destroy Satan, because to do so would mean that he would have to destroy himself as well, or risk being labeled a hypocrite.

Anyone with an open mind would agree that Lucifer is far more interesting and compelling than God. Petty, jealous tyrants are a dime a dozen, but a clever manipulator is almost always entertaining. At seemingly every turn, Lucifer plays God for a rube, and God always falls for the gag. It’s safe to say that Satan has God’s number, and yet God, in His infinite vanity-driven pride, hasn’t got a clue.

Anyway, this is all moot, since God and Satan, just like love and hate, are just different sides of the same coin. Man created God, and man created Satan. For those of us who know better, it’s fun to sit on the sidelines and watch the believers flail blindly about for something, anything to validate their fairy tale beliefs, especially since science almost daily disproves their mythology. These are wonderful times...

The New Atheism

I have seen much fuss being made in the media regarding a phenomena called “The New Atheism.” Writers, scientists and social commentators such as Richard Dawkins, Sam Harris and Christopher Hitchens have reached a great many people, so much so that each of their books have landed high on the New York Times bestseller list.

On one hand, this is encouraging; I believe that eight years under the regime of a simple-minded president who forced his personal mythology/religious agenda on the nation caused a significant backlash among the free-thinkers and questioners of our country. The popularity of books regarding free thought and outright atheism indicate that there are a growing number of people who are fed up with religious superstition being forced down their throats by their government at nearly every turn. On the other hand, it has been pointed out that the book-buying public doesn’t really represent a great many people. Let’s face it, these books ain’t being read in in the backward backwaters of, say, Wasilla, Alaska.

In the face of the religious oppression and intolerance that is gripping America and its policies in the foreign arena, many people are realizing that religion is a strange and terrible beast, and in the midst of the madness, there is an alternative: to not believe at all. Despite the backward mindset of our former Pretender-In-Chief, despite all the post-9/11, jingoistic, flag-waving nonsense, more and more people are reaching a point of frustration and outright anger over the fact that our nation, which was founded as much on the freedom from religion as much as the freedom of religion, has become a haven for fanatics and zealots whose apparent purpose in life is to force us all to believe as they do.

Thankfully, the technological age has allowed us to connect with others who are tired of rampant religiosity so that even if a person lives in a small, religious community, they don’t have to feel that they’re the only non-believer, although of course we’re all considered pariahs and infidels.

But, is what’s being called “The New Atheism” actually new? As long as there has been religion, there have been those who couldn’t or wouldn’t believe what the weak-minded majority are willing to blindly follow without question. I don’t believe that there is anything new to what is being called the atheist movement...I just believe that we are fortunate enough to be living in an age where people can make a choice against deism and superstition and not be burned at the stake or stoned to death for their choice. We still have a long way to go; rather, it seems that the battle may just be getting underway.

The Big Guy

Omnipotent, omniscient, all-seeing, all-knowing, all-powerful, king of kings, creator of creators, the Big Guy up in the sky.

Here in the Western hemisphere this entity is called God.

Christians believe that the god they worship has a vested, personal interest in every moment of their lives. They believe that God has a great plan for each and every one of them, and that it is foolish to even attempt to understand the complexity of His plan for them. Every single thing that happens to every single person on the planet happens for a divine reason.

And yet Christians pray for things to happen in their lives: health, love, happiness, wealth, and on and on. It seems to me that praying for things is contradictory to their dogma; if God has everything laid out, then what is the point in asking Him for things? If God is all-knowing and all-powerful, then isn’t praying for things a means of second-guessing the almighty? Or is God just the grown-up version of Santa Claus?

There is much more to this than just asking favors. Christians claim that they have to confess their wrongdoings to God in order to obtain forgiveness, and accept Jesus into their hearts as their personal savior so that they may go to Heaven. One of the many problems I have with this ‘logic’ is that if God is a perfect being without sin, where did sin come from? We are told that God forbade Adam and Eve from eating the tainted fruit in Eden – the tree from which this fruit grew was called Knowledge. It must be assumed that this all-knowing, all-powerful deity has incredible intelligence and, according to the bible, man was created in His image. So then, did God really wish his creations to remain ignorant? To me, that stinks of pride and ego, traits uncommon to an entity which is ostensibly above all human folly.

God is said to have created the heavens and the earth, and all its inhabitants. God created the angels, one of whom was Satan. Satan fell from grace and was banished to rule the damned in Hell. If Satan was always an angel, how did he fall from grace? Once again, if a perfect being who created all things in His image, how can any of those things fall from grace? If we are to understand what is being told to us, God rewarded Satan’s fall by giving him dominion over an entire kingdom. So it appears that since this “perfect being” which creates humans in its image that are less than perfect, it stands to reason that perhaps this divine creator may not be so perfect after all. If everything we do is part of His plan, then He already knows we will screw up from time to time. Some of us will learn from our mistakes, some won’t. But this is no surprise to the Christian God.

God is said to have impregnated a teenage Mary without the benefit of physical contact, and without her knowledge or consent. Does this sound like a case of cosmic rape? The result of this non-sexual intercourse was the birth of Jesus, who is supposed to have been the son of God. For such an important person, one would think that his life would have been better chronicled; yet, between his birth and subsequent death, there are thirty-three some-odd years which are almost completely unaccounted for in the bible. The books written about him weren’t even written until long after his death and even then, they are wildly contradictory, and written by imperfect humans with very specific agendas including the keeping of slaves, bigotry, intolerance, the subjugation of women, and how to raise fig crops.

The God of the New Testament is portrayed as a kind, loving god, a far cry from the sex-obsessed, brutality-inclined, vengeful demagogue of the Old Testament. If God is perfect, why the makeover? When God actually put his own son on the Earth to show us humans His divine love, He allowed His son to be sadistically tortured and murdered! How on Earth are we supposed to believe that this god of love and mercy would allow such misfortune to be visited upon his own child and as a result, we are supposed to love Him even more? The punchline is that God let his son be killed for the sins of all humans, including those who lived long before and long after the time of Jesus. Now, if a father (or mother) today tortured and killed their child and explained that it was because of the sins of the world, that parent would be tossed in the loony bin quicker than you can turn water into wine. But since God did it, everything is supposed to be okay.

God piles pain and misfortune upon those who are demanded to worship Him, and the faithful are supposed to take it all with a smile because it’s all part of His divine will. God will punish you and those around you, and you are supposed to thank him for it. God shows no love or regard for those He created, but demands complete obedience from all, under punishment of eternal damnation. Sounds a lot like an abusive parent, doesn’t it?

“Do what I say without question, or I will make you pay.”

“I hurt you because I love you.”

God is nothing more than a fairy tale perpetuated by corrupt men and women who seek to control the weak and the stupid and get rich in the process. Religion is big-money entertainment, just like professional wrestling. The only difference is that religion doesn’t have to pay taxes and the rubes really, truly believe that they are getting something for their money. Religion exploits and thrives on the fears, ignorance and prejudice of its adherents, for whom I can only offer a pity that is marginal at best. As priests continue to find themselves in trouble for the sexual exploitation of young parishioners, as televangelists continue to rise, only to perpetually fall upon their own (often phallus-shaped) swords of greed and perversity, one would hope that the people would begin to realize that the god being sold to them is, at best, a false bill of goods.

One of Many Stories

I have read the bible. I find it to be a contradictory mess, filled with hatred, anger, misery, bigotry, incest and violence. Everyone who cares to know understands that the bible is was not written by God, although far too many people naively believe it to be.

The bible is a big story book, compiled over the course of hundreds of years by dozens, if not hundreds of authors. Many of the stories existed before the written word, and were passed down through oral storytelling. Each book was written by a human who, in the natural course of writing, added their agenda to the soup, further complicating an already poor-written text. Over the course of this ridiculous book's history, books were added to and removed from the bible, to suit the interests of the political/religious leaders of the times.

Rather than digress on the great many problems that exist in a literal interpretation of the bible, I’m going to talk about the one book that had the biggest impact on me and the way that I view God and the bible: The Book of Job.

According to the story, Job was a successful land and business owner, with a loving wife and adoring children. He was also a strong believer in God. One day, God and Satan were chatting when God pointed out how much his adherents loved him, and cited the case of Job. Satan remarked that of course Job loved God; his life was perfect and he wanted for nothing. Satan suggested that if Job were to lose everything, his faith would be discarded. God said that Job would keep his faith regardless of what happened in Job’s life. And then a bet was struck.

God told Satan that he could destroy everything Job loved and cherished, except for his own life, and God was certain that Job would remain faithful to him, regardless of the misfortune that rained down upon him. Piece by piece, Job’s life fell to ruin until he was penniless and alone. Sure enough, Job remained faithful to his lord.

Some view this as a story in which the power of faith is put to the ultimate test and it is through God’s divine love that even the worst of tragedies can be tempered by devotion to God.

I view it differently.

The way I see it, the story of Job is a testament to the vanity of God and his total lack of caring for even his most faithful. Job did nothing at all wrong, and yet God allowed his life to fall to total ruin just to prove a petty point to Satan, a fallen angel that he himself had created. Satan tries to play God for a rube, and Satan succeeds spectacularly. Not only is God a sucker for a bet, the manner in which he immediately agrees to let Satan play with the life of his faithful is nothing short of disturbing.

The message is that you can work hard all your life, do everything you should without causing anyone harm and even then, God will sell you out in a heartbeat if it will make him look good. This brilliantly illustrates just how little God cares for those who love him most.

I’m also inclined to think that God may by the original prototype for an abusive parent: He can do whatever he wants to you, take or destroy everything you have done, everything you have worked for, and in return he demands your absolute obedience and worship. And if he does not get these things, you will be punished severely. Is this any different than the father who beats his wife and molests his children, all the while claiming that he loves them, but if they report or even speak against him, things just get worse? I see no difference.

The Book of Job is a prefect exercise in unintentional definition. Through this brilliant piece of embarrassing self-promotion, God shows himself to be nothing more than a petty, vain, gullible rube who was all too easily fooled by one of his own creations into destroying the life of a man who did nothing to deserve this, other than to love God the way that was demanded of him.

The Early Years

This is the first in a series of essays regarding my thoughts, feelings and experiences with faith and religion. As such, it is a statement of personal belief and I have no interest in debating or justifying my beliefs. This is in no way a cry for ‘redemption’ and any attempts to convince, convert or otherwise ‘witness’ to me will be met with severe hostility.

When I was twelve, I was in junior high school and profoundly awkward. I did not have an easy time of things and unfortunately, I did not have much in the way of self-confidence and found myself invited to a large Christian Church. At first, it seemed like a neat place; everyone was friendly and nice and I suddenly had cool friends. It was nice. My parents had long before discarded the religions of their respective upbringings, and they felt that if I wanted to explore issues of faith, it was okay unless things got out of hand. Their support and open-mindedness made an indelible impression that resonates to this day.

About once a month, us junior high kids had some sort of activity, from sleep-overs to all-night parties. One warm, sunny Saturday afternoon, they loaded all us kids into church buses and then drove the buses out into various neighborhoods in San Jose, with a very specific mission: We were meant to go door-to-door and invite people to hear the “Good News” at our church.

It felt very wrong to be doing this; I didn’t think it was right for me to do that because I had questions about things I was reading in the bible and by that point, no one had been able to explain my concerns. I was just supposed to accept what was being told to me as God’s word, God’s will, etc. The problem, as it was explained to me, wasn’t that the bible seemed contradictory, vague and poorly-written – the problem was that The Enemy (that’s what we were supposed to call the devil) was in my heart, and that’s what was making me so confused. The surest way to remedy this, my new friends told me, was to accept Jesus Christ in my heart as my personal savior and be baptized. That, they assured me, would clear everything up. I was also advised to destroy my ELO and Eagles records, because of their Satanic influence. Not long thereafter, I did get baptized. However, the records stayed.

One Sunday, toward the end of the general sermon, the pastor informed us that the junior high parishioners should go to the media center, for a “very special” Sunday School presentation. When we assembled in the media center, we were told that we were going to be shown an important film, which was vitally important to our very survival as Christians living in a secular world. When the lights dimmed, we were shown a real, uncensored film of a woman having a spectacularly graphic, painful abortion, from beginning to end, with the final, lingering shot on the removed fetal material. A slide show of more aborted fetuses followed this ‘film,’ each photo more gruesome and disturbing than the last. We were given no warning. It was simply dumped on us without any explanation or understanding of the process. The only narrative, aside form the screams of the woman having the procedure, was our beloved youth minister telling us that what was happening was an abomination to God.

We were children, and most of us had been innocent when we walked into that room. Thirty years later, I can still see the images. I can still hear the screams. And I still cannot understand what made these people think they had the right to do that to us without warning, without thought to our emotional well-being.

Not long after that John Lennon, one of my heroes, was murdered in cold blood for no sane reason whatsoever. The following Friday was one of our sleep-overs and one of the guys made a point of talking about how certain he was that Lennon would be burning in Hell for all eternity because he dared to imagine a world without religion, even though he knew how much Lennon meant to me, and how deeply the loss had affected me.

I went home the next morning, and never set foot in that church again. Any church that would willingly exploit children to fill seats on Sunday, any church that would see no issue in showing innocent children what amounted to a snuff film, any church that was so intolerant, so callous and hurtful and mean-spirited that it truly believed anyone whose philosophy wasn’t strictly in line with theirs should suffer eternal damnation, well, I realized it wasn’t a church I wanted to be affiliated with. The way that they were able to interpret scripture to support their political and social beliefs was to me, so foul and so profane that it almost defies description.

A year later, the pastor of Los Gatos Christian Church resigned in disgrace after he was caught having an affair. This judgmental, hypocritical loser now works as a children’s minister elsewhere in California. Just imagine what he is filling children’s minds with these days.