Hope You Guessed My Name

“Well, there are all manner of lesser imps and demons, Pete, but the great Satan hisself is red and scaly with a bifurcated tail, and carries a hay fork” -- Ulysses Everett McGill

I share a birthday with Anton Lavey, who founded his Church of Satan the year I was born (Year One, according to some). I’ve repeatedly asked my mother if there’s any connection, and before a swift change of subject, I’m assured that there is no correlation between these events. Several years ago, I met Mr. Lavey at a gun show in San Francisco. An interesting character, and a true eccentric. With these elements in mind, I proclaim myself to be as qualified as any religious leader to talk about The Dark One. So there.

A little history for the uninitiated: Lucifer was created by God. The very name 'Lucifer' means “Light-Bringer” and in Ezekiel 28:14, 15, 17 it is said that Lucifer was created perfect in wisdom, perfect in beauty and was the anointed who covered the throne of God. It could be argued that a “bringer of light” would be an individual that could illuminate, like a candle in the dark. A bringer of knowledge, perhaps. This interpretation is important because it must be remembered that the tree from which Eve plucked the apple was called the Tree of Knowledge. Could it be that the authors of the Bible, the very creators of God, considered knowledge and self-awareness evil?

In rank, Lucifer was second only to God, and he held dominion over all angels, cherubs, seraphim and men. However, with all this power, Lucifer became proud and reckoned himself equal to God. Now, we all know that God has real insecurity and pride issues so, rather than just talk to Lucifer, God decides to change his name to Satan (Hebrew for ‘adversary’), and casts him to Hell, where he will now have dominion over the damned, and lead the army which will ultimately fall before the hands of the righteous.

It’s a fascinating situation, which becomes all the more interesting when one pauses to think about it. God creates this person, this creature, makes it perfect, and then gets His knickers in a twist when His creation has the audacity to recognize its own perfection. A being is created in God’s own image of perfection, by a perfect being, and yet it is imperfect because it experiences pride. And yet, since God created everything, then pride must be His own creation as well. We are taught that pride is a sin, and that all sins are evil. So, following that line of logic, the “perfect creator” must be at least partly evil, and not completely perfect.

My previous rant about God’s treatment of Job has already described the amusing concept of God’s own pride and vanity, but I think it bears a reminder. If we are to understand the stories of Job and the stories of Lucifer’s fall, then we can easily see that, just like Lucifer, God is also guilty of the sins of pride and vanity. I believe that this is the very reason that God did not destroy Satan, because to do so would mean that he would have to destroy himself as well, or risk being labeled a hypocrite.

Anyone with an open mind would agree that Lucifer is far more interesting and compelling than God. Petty, jealous tyrants are a dime a dozen, but a clever manipulator is almost always entertaining. At seemingly every turn, Lucifer plays God for a rube, and God always falls for the gag. It’s safe to say that Satan has God’s number, and yet God, in His infinite vanity-driven pride, hasn’t got a clue.

Anyway, this is all moot, since God and Satan, just like love and hate, are just different sides of the same coin. Man created God, and man created Satan. For those of us who know better, it’s fun to sit on the sidelines and watch the believers flail blindly about for something, anything to validate their fairy tale beliefs, especially since science almost daily disproves their mythology. These are wonderful times...